Today is Saturday, September 7.
It's the day I'm going to shave my head.
I have to shave my head because my hair is falling out because I had my first round of chemo because I have cancer. I really have cancer.
I've felt so good through everything so far but now I'm going to look sick. I'm going to look like somebody with cancer.
And the thing I've dreaded most since I got the diagnosis is going to happen: I will no longer just be Beverly. I will be the lady with breast cancer. I will become my diagnosis.
But I don't want to wear pink. I don't want to race for a cure. I don't {heart} boobies and I don't want to wear the bracelet.
I just want to be Beverly. Like I have been for 45 years. Like always.
Clinging to this verse: Psalm 29:11 God makes his people strong. God gives his people peace.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Two weeks post-op
So...it's been two weeks ago tomorrow since the big surgery.
Things I've learned:
Percocet is a miracle drug.
My husband is amazing. (but I already knew that)
Having someone bring you dinner every night is a blessing I cannot measure.
I use my arms for everything and it's very difficult when you can't use them.
There's only so much tv a girl can watch.
I'm the most blessed person on the earth.
Besides that, I'm really doing well. Much better than I ever expected to be doing.
Last Thursday, Dr. Shadid took the drains out and said I could just take Tylenol. I did fine with that once I could add in Ibuprofen. I've only been taking Ibuprofen the last few days and today I'm trying to not take anything at all.
It's difficult not to "over do it" just like I'm sure it's difficult for all women/moms who have any kind of surgery. I'm not used to sitting around for 5 minutes let alone 2 weeks but I'm determined to be a good patient. :)
My pathology report came back good: no cancer in my lymph nodes. There was a clean 1 cm border between the tumor and my chest wall so no radiation. Yay!
But the most interesting fact from path...there was already early cancer forming in my right toe!! It was in 3 out of 4 quadrants that they tested!! I really believe that was the Lord's way of confirming that I made the right decision to go with a bilat mastectomy! In a year to two years, I would have been right back in this position if we hadn't done that procedure. Wow!!
I don't have the results of the genetic test yet but meet with the oncologist next Tuesday where I should get them. According to her initial timeline, I will be starting chemo in about 3 weeks...not so excited about that but ready to get on with it.
One thing that I haven't expected is how much discomfort I'm having with the tissue expanders. I can't describe it as pain so much as a constant, nagging discomfort of having something foreign and too big rammed up under your skin. I can't get comfortable in bed so sleep hasn't been the best but I'm determined to not sleep on the recliner anymore. I'm not looking forward to having them for the next few months but am grateful if that's the least of my complaints.
Oh...Dr. Boggs was able to place the port during surgery. That means that because of Dr. Theobald's involvement, I got three procedures in one that day. Again, I'm so grateful for her!
My needs right now:
Continued healing of my incisions.
Relief from the tissue expanders. Dr. Shadid is going to put more saline in next week at my appointment. ugh.
Patience until I can get back to everyday life.
Thank you to all my friends and family for your constant prayer over me and my family. I'm forever grateful!
Things I've learned:
Percocet is a miracle drug.
My husband is amazing. (but I already knew that)
Having someone bring you dinner every night is a blessing I cannot measure.
I use my arms for everything and it's very difficult when you can't use them.
There's only so much tv a girl can watch.
I'm the most blessed person on the earth.
Besides that, I'm really doing well. Much better than I ever expected to be doing.
Last Thursday, Dr. Shadid took the drains out and said I could just take Tylenol. I did fine with that once I could add in Ibuprofen. I've only been taking Ibuprofen the last few days and today I'm trying to not take anything at all.
It's difficult not to "over do it" just like I'm sure it's difficult for all women/moms who have any kind of surgery. I'm not used to sitting around for 5 minutes let alone 2 weeks but I'm determined to be a good patient. :)
My pathology report came back good: no cancer in my lymph nodes. There was a clean 1 cm border between the tumor and my chest wall so no radiation. Yay!
But the most interesting fact from path...there was already early cancer forming in my right toe!! It was in 3 out of 4 quadrants that they tested!! I really believe that was the Lord's way of confirming that I made the right decision to go with a bilat mastectomy! In a year to two years, I would have been right back in this position if we hadn't done that procedure. Wow!!
I don't have the results of the genetic test yet but meet with the oncologist next Tuesday where I should get them. According to her initial timeline, I will be starting chemo in about 3 weeks...not so excited about that but ready to get on with it.
One thing that I haven't expected is how much discomfort I'm having with the tissue expanders. I can't describe it as pain so much as a constant, nagging discomfort of having something foreign and too big rammed up under your skin. I can't get comfortable in bed so sleep hasn't been the best but I'm determined to not sleep on the recliner anymore. I'm not looking forward to having them for the next few months but am grateful if that's the least of my complaints.
Oh...Dr. Boggs was able to place the port during surgery. That means that because of Dr. Theobald's involvement, I got three procedures in one that day. Again, I'm so grateful for her!
My needs right now:
Continued healing of my incisions.
Relief from the tissue expanders. Dr. Shadid is going to put more saline in next week at my appointment. ugh.
Patience until I can get back to everyday life.
Thank you to all my friends and family for your constant prayer over me and my family. I'm forever grateful!
Monday, July 8, 2013
Really...There's More.
Really...I just need to finish this story already!! I went to Falls Creek last week so there was no time for posting!
So, I saw Dr. Cooke while the little kids were at camp. He suggested a bilateral mastectomy because of my history of LCIS. That was all well and good and whatever.
Once the kids were home from camp, Roman had to finish the second weekend of performances for her musical so we decided to wait a little longer and told them all: Brandon, Patrick and Krystal included on Father's Day evening. It was as awful as you can imagine but we ended our evening playing in the pool, laughing and loving on one another.
Believe it or not, when I got the diagnosis one of my first thoughts was "We will have to say the word "breast" all the time and I hate that word. Always have. Always will. And now my children have to say it. And they will have to say it in reference to their mother's breast!!" Ewwwwwww!! We decided to give it another name. It was a toss up between ear wax cancer and toe cancer and we went with toe. Finally...that mystery is solved for you!
Then, the next week, we met Dr. Theobald, the oncologist, and she changed the course of everything. She wanted me to have all the information possible so I would never regret any decisions I made. She looked at me and said, "You have time." Of course, I thought she was bat crazy because it really didn't/doesn't feel like I have time. I want it OUT!! She wanted me to see another surgeon...one that only does mastectomies and the very one that she sent her own mother, who is currently going through toe cancer, to. Again...I'll take that recommendation! There's so much I could say about this fabulous lady...I get a little misty just thinking about how she has taken care of so many details for us and guided us through the beginning of this whole process.
Saw Dr. Boggs the next week right after an appointment with the plastic surgeon, Dr. Shadid. (That's a story for another day, also. Aye yi yi.) With Dr. Theobald's help, those doctors have coordinated their schedule so both can be in the OR to do my surgery on the 12th which saves me an extra procedure. Dr. Shadid will place tissue expanders that day to start the reconstruction process.
The current plan is for me to heal for about 5 weeks then I will start chemo. During the course of chemo, they will gradually fill the tissue expanders to make room for the implants that will make me the hit of the nursing home in 40 years. (Hey, there has to be some reward for all this, Jack!)
I'm still feeling great so it's been easy to pretend that everything is normal because it has been!
My needs right now:
1...that the Lord is in every detail during my surgery...down to every suture and every person that cares for me that day.
2...that Dr. Boggs will be able to place my port for chemo during this surgery.
3...that there is not a single bit of cancer that has spread to my lymph nodes.
I think that's it for now!
Psalm 91:2
I will say of the Lord "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him will I trust."
So, I saw Dr. Cooke while the little kids were at camp. He suggested a bilateral mastectomy because of my history of LCIS. That was all well and good and whatever.
Once the kids were home from camp, Roman had to finish the second weekend of performances for her musical so we decided to wait a little longer and told them all: Brandon, Patrick and Krystal included on Father's Day evening. It was as awful as you can imagine but we ended our evening playing in the pool, laughing and loving on one another.
Believe it or not, when I got the diagnosis one of my first thoughts was "We will have to say the word "breast" all the time and I hate that word. Always have. Always will. And now my children have to say it. And they will have to say it in reference to their mother's breast!!" Ewwwwwww!! We decided to give it another name. It was a toss up between ear wax cancer and toe cancer and we went with toe. Finally...that mystery is solved for you!
Then, the next week, we met Dr. Theobald, the oncologist, and she changed the course of everything. She wanted me to have all the information possible so I would never regret any decisions I made. She looked at me and said, "You have time." Of course, I thought she was bat crazy because it really didn't/doesn't feel like I have time. I want it OUT!! She wanted me to see another surgeon...one that only does mastectomies and the very one that she sent her own mother, who is currently going through toe cancer, to. Again...I'll take that recommendation! There's so much I could say about this fabulous lady...I get a little misty just thinking about how she has taken care of so many details for us and guided us through the beginning of this whole process.
Saw Dr. Boggs the next week right after an appointment with the plastic surgeon, Dr. Shadid. (That's a story for another day, also. Aye yi yi.) With Dr. Theobald's help, those doctors have coordinated their schedule so both can be in the OR to do my surgery on the 12th which saves me an extra procedure. Dr. Shadid will place tissue expanders that day to start the reconstruction process.
The current plan is for me to heal for about 5 weeks then I will start chemo. During the course of chemo, they will gradually fill the tissue expanders to make room for the implants that will make me the hit of the nursing home in 40 years. (Hey, there has to be some reward for all this, Jack!)
I'm still feeling great so it's been easy to pretend that everything is normal because it has been!
My needs right now:
1...that the Lord is in every detail during my surgery...down to every suture and every person that cares for me that day.
2...that Dr. Boggs will be able to place my port for chemo during this surgery.
3...that there is not a single bit of cancer that has spread to my lymph nodes.
I think that's it for now!
Psalm 91:2
I will say of the Lord "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him will I trust."
Saturday, June 29, 2013
A Little More of the Story
So we got the news on June 7 at 9 am.
Several things were going on in the Wright house at that time. Roman's friend Sophie was staying with us for a few days. Roman had opening night for the two-weekend run of her musical that night. Josh and Roman were leaving for Super Summer on Monday.
Richard and I sat in the parking lot at Southwest Hospital for about an hour trying to wrap our brain around this news. We immediately called my ob-gyn who we trust, Dr. Dosser. He recommended the surgeon that did my previous surgery, Dr. Cooke, and an oncologist that he uses, Dr. Geister, and he said he would fax my reports to them right away.
We also decided that we would not tell our children until after SS. Three days was just not enough time to process and then head off to a highly emotional camp. Our kids look forward to SS and we wanted them to go with no distractions and be able to let the Lord work in them without this being their focus. We also knew it was going to be a difficult three days trying to keep it from them! (and it was!!) But it was the right decision to make.
Josh was working that day and we got Roman and Sophie off to the movies at noon. That's when we started making the calls.
Typically, a person with cancer doesn't really need an oncologist until after surgery. But, with my tumor, we were waiting on biopsy results that would indicate three things: if it was positive for estrogen and progesterone and if it was positive/negative for HER2. If it was positive for the hormone markers, I could take Tamoxifen right away and it would stop the growth of the tumor. Because of this, I needed to get in with an oncologist right away.
So our very first call was to Dr. Geister's office. The girl was very sweet but let us know that they hadn't received any paperwork and that he was booking THREE WEEKS OUT!! I immediately fell apart. The very first call we make and it's a brick wall. I have cancer and I needed to see a doctor RIGHT THEN! I hang up and just cry. In the next few minutes, Todd Hannon is on the phone with Richard and Joan Day has called me. She is telling me that Dr. Geister is the best and that I have to get in with him and she has the name of his nurse, etc. At the same time, Todd is on the phone with Richard telling him that his step-mom, Denice, is an oncology nurse in Dr. Geister's group.
Then Richard is on the phone with Denice and she says to him, "Dr. Geister is a great doctor but if I had breast cancer, I would go to his partner, Dr. Theobald." She goes on to tell him that her brother-in-law is Dr. Theobald's nurse. She then makes an appointment for us directly.
We immediately see God at work in this situation and we felt such peace having such a strong recommendation from Denice. I am convinced she might be working in that group of doctors for "such a time as this" especially now that we've met Dr. Theobald. She is already precious to us and we trusted her immediately. When she looked me in the eye and said, "I care about you and I will get you through this"...I believed her! It's amazing how that one phone call from Todd helped us start digging out of the black hole we had just dropped into.
Dr. Cooke's office closed at noon that day so we had to wait until Monday to make an appointment with him but we were able to see him on that Thursday while the kids were gone to camp. Which was good...since we wanted to have some kind of solid info when we told all our kids.
In the meantime, we told only a few of our closest friends. Our biggest objective was that it not get out until we had told the kids but we also knew that we needed prayer and support.
I should say a few things right here. First of all, one of our "parking lot thoughts" was that we do not know anyone that has had breast cancer. Not one single person. We had no immediate resource that we could turn to for "personal experience" guidance.
And, I had the most difficult time praying those first few days. One reason is that in order for me to hold it together in front of my children, I really couldn't give it a lot of thought and I needed to think about it to pray about it. I found myself saying "flare prayers"...you know the ones...bursts of begging for help and healing and understanding but not really even a complete sentence. But I knew my friends were covering me with prayer...standing in the gap for my family when we couldn't stand on our own.
And then Lisa Nail sent me the most perfect verse: Romans 8:26. "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be expressed in words."
Geez...this post is a gazillion miles long already but I want to end it by saying that I wrote in my journal that first Monday that I had no anxiety. Even now, I've only had a few, brief anxious moments and I'm so grateful for that. I know it's because I have a heavenly Father who is with me every moment and He loves me so much!
I really will get to how my breast cancer got its alias, toe cancer! But for now, my family wants breakfast!
Several things were going on in the Wright house at that time. Roman's friend Sophie was staying with us for a few days. Roman had opening night for the two-weekend run of her musical that night. Josh and Roman were leaving for Super Summer on Monday.
Richard and I sat in the parking lot at Southwest Hospital for about an hour trying to wrap our brain around this news. We immediately called my ob-gyn who we trust, Dr. Dosser. He recommended the surgeon that did my previous surgery, Dr. Cooke, and an oncologist that he uses, Dr. Geister, and he said he would fax my reports to them right away.
We also decided that we would not tell our children until after SS. Three days was just not enough time to process and then head off to a highly emotional camp. Our kids look forward to SS and we wanted them to go with no distractions and be able to let the Lord work in them without this being their focus. We also knew it was going to be a difficult three days trying to keep it from them! (and it was!!) But it was the right decision to make.
Josh was working that day and we got Roman and Sophie off to the movies at noon. That's when we started making the calls.
Typically, a person with cancer doesn't really need an oncologist until after surgery. But, with my tumor, we were waiting on biopsy results that would indicate three things: if it was positive for estrogen and progesterone and if it was positive/negative for HER2. If it was positive for the hormone markers, I could take Tamoxifen right away and it would stop the growth of the tumor. Because of this, I needed to get in with an oncologist right away.
So our very first call was to Dr. Geister's office. The girl was very sweet but let us know that they hadn't received any paperwork and that he was booking THREE WEEKS OUT!! I immediately fell apart. The very first call we make and it's a brick wall. I have cancer and I needed to see a doctor RIGHT THEN! I hang up and just cry. In the next few minutes, Todd Hannon is on the phone with Richard and Joan Day has called me. She is telling me that Dr. Geister is the best and that I have to get in with him and she has the name of his nurse, etc. At the same time, Todd is on the phone with Richard telling him that his step-mom, Denice, is an oncology nurse in Dr. Geister's group.
Then Richard is on the phone with Denice and she says to him, "Dr. Geister is a great doctor but if I had breast cancer, I would go to his partner, Dr. Theobald." She goes on to tell him that her brother-in-law is Dr. Theobald's nurse. She then makes an appointment for us directly.
We immediately see God at work in this situation and we felt such peace having such a strong recommendation from Denice. I am convinced she might be working in that group of doctors for "such a time as this" especially now that we've met Dr. Theobald. She is already precious to us and we trusted her immediately. When she looked me in the eye and said, "I care about you and I will get you through this"...I believed her! It's amazing how that one phone call from Todd helped us start digging out of the black hole we had just dropped into.
Dr. Cooke's office closed at noon that day so we had to wait until Monday to make an appointment with him but we were able to see him on that Thursday while the kids were gone to camp. Which was good...since we wanted to have some kind of solid info when we told all our kids.
In the meantime, we told only a few of our closest friends. Our biggest objective was that it not get out until we had told the kids but we also knew that we needed prayer and support.
I should say a few things right here. First of all, one of our "parking lot thoughts" was that we do not know anyone that has had breast cancer. Not one single person. We had no immediate resource that we could turn to for "personal experience" guidance.
And, I had the most difficult time praying those first few days. One reason is that in order for me to hold it together in front of my children, I really couldn't give it a lot of thought and I needed to think about it to pray about it. I found myself saying "flare prayers"...you know the ones...bursts of begging for help and healing and understanding but not really even a complete sentence. But I knew my friends were covering me with prayer...standing in the gap for my family when we couldn't stand on our own.
And then Lisa Nail sent me the most perfect verse: Romans 8:26. "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be expressed in words."
Geez...this post is a gazillion miles long already but I want to end it by saying that I wrote in my journal that first Monday that I had no anxiety. Even now, I've only had a few, brief anxious moments and I'm so grateful for that. I know it's because I have a heavenly Father who is with me every moment and He loves me so much!
I really will get to how my breast cancer got its alias, toe cancer! But for now, my family wants breakfast!
Friday, June 28, 2013
The Adventure Just Got Real
I have toe cancer.
Well...not really.
I have breast cancer but, for reasons I will explain later, we refer to it as toe cancer.
I've decided to bring my blog back up out of the ashes (I can't believe it's been 2 1/2 years since my last post!) because it seems like a good way to get information out to my precious friends and family. People want to know what I know and I get that. I would want to know if it was someone important to me! And, they feel like they're "bugging" me with a phone call or a text so this just seems like the best way to take care of all that.
So...welcome to my world. Here's what we know right now:
I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I will have a bilateral mastectomy on July 12 followed by at least 12 weeks of chemotherapy...or "satan in liquid form" as I like to call it.
And here's how we've gotten to this point over the last 3 weeks:
You might have heard about this little event that happened in Moore on May 20th...not just Josh's 17th birthday but the massive tornado that wiped out huge parts of our community. While we were out cleaning up in our neighborhood that week, I felt a lump in my left breast and it was a little tender. It didn't feel any differently than the cysts that I've had in the past but since May is my mammogram month, I called to make an appointment only to find out that I had just had a mammogram in August. I'd forgotten that my mammo's had gotten off after my surgery in 2011 on my right breast for Lobular Carcinoma In Situ (LCIS) which was just some pre-cancerous cells...no big deal...so I thought!
Anyway...my doctor made the appointment for me for May 31...mammogram with ultrasound. After the US the radiologist told me I needed a biopsy because what she was seeing "worried her." I had a biopsy the following Tuesday and then met with the radiologist the following Friday to get the results. That was 3 weeks ago today.
There was an incident with a pink pillow and another with Richard and I laughing hysterically as we were bawling our eyes out in the radiologist's office, but those are stories for another day.
This post is long enough. Plus I have to go get my pre-op lab work done today and then do some shopping with Roman.
I look forward to sharing more...there are already parts of my story that I never want to forget so I need to write it all down. God has been in every detail and has shown Himself in so many ways already! He loves me and He is walking with me and when this is all over, I hope He is glorified in every way!
The week I was waiting on biopsy results, I read this verse and wrote it in my journal:
But I am poor and needy yet the Lord thinks upon me. You are my help and deliverer; do not delay, O my God. Psalm 40:17
And the day before I got the results: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear. Psalm 46:1-2
David was writing about God helping him against men who wanted to kill him. My enemy is a little different...it's inside me but wants to kill me all the same. But my God is bigger and I know he wants the best for me!
Grateful.
Well...not really.
I have breast cancer but, for reasons I will explain later, we refer to it as toe cancer.
I've decided to bring my blog back up out of the ashes (I can't believe it's been 2 1/2 years since my last post!) because it seems like a good way to get information out to my precious friends and family. People want to know what I know and I get that. I would want to know if it was someone important to me! And, they feel like they're "bugging" me with a phone call or a text so this just seems like the best way to take care of all that.
So...welcome to my world. Here's what we know right now:
I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I will have a bilateral mastectomy on July 12 followed by at least 12 weeks of chemotherapy...or "satan in liquid form" as I like to call it.
And here's how we've gotten to this point over the last 3 weeks:
You might have heard about this little event that happened in Moore on May 20th...not just Josh's 17th birthday but the massive tornado that wiped out huge parts of our community. While we were out cleaning up in our neighborhood that week, I felt a lump in my left breast and it was a little tender. It didn't feel any differently than the cysts that I've had in the past but since May is my mammogram month, I called to make an appointment only to find out that I had just had a mammogram in August. I'd forgotten that my mammo's had gotten off after my surgery in 2011 on my right breast for Lobular Carcinoma In Situ (LCIS) which was just some pre-cancerous cells...no big deal...so I thought!
Anyway...my doctor made the appointment for me for May 31...mammogram with ultrasound. After the US the radiologist told me I needed a biopsy because what she was seeing "worried her." I had a biopsy the following Tuesday and then met with the radiologist the following Friday to get the results. That was 3 weeks ago today.
There was an incident with a pink pillow and another with Richard and I laughing hysterically as we were bawling our eyes out in the radiologist's office, but those are stories for another day.
This post is long enough. Plus I have to go get my pre-op lab work done today and then do some shopping with Roman.
I look forward to sharing more...there are already parts of my story that I never want to forget so I need to write it all down. God has been in every detail and has shown Himself in so many ways already! He loves me and He is walking with me and when this is all over, I hope He is glorified in every way!
The week I was waiting on biopsy results, I read this verse and wrote it in my journal:
But I am poor and needy yet the Lord thinks upon me. You are my help and deliverer; do not delay, O my God. Psalm 40:17
And the day before I got the results: God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear. Psalm 46:1-2
David was writing about God helping him against men who wanted to kill him. My enemy is a little different...it's inside me but wants to kill me all the same. But my God is bigger and I know he wants the best for me!
Grateful.
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